Truth #6

(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

First I have to ask, what was the fight about?  Did she cheat with my husband?  Or did she tell me she was sick and couldn't go to the movies with me when she really just had other plans and didn't want to hurt my feelings?  Or gossip behind my back with someone and it got back to me somehow? 

Case A-cheating with my husband.  I likely would do nothing, not respond.  Some things are unforgiveable.  There are lines you do not cross as friends. 

Cases B&C-white lie/gossip.  No.Brainer.  At the hospital as quickly as my legs could get me there.  While mildly hurtful, not necessarily a reason to end a close friendship.  These issues can be tabled until the crisis is over.  Everyone does this, it's normal, a coping mechanism or a way of venting some frustration.  Not a betrayal of the Rules of Friendship.

   

They don't get it

It makes me crazy when people don't understand why money is a struggle for some people.  I am not poor, I have a good job, so does my husband, but at the end of the month there is not a lot of wiggle room.  We budget food, living expenses (ie. bills), fuel costs, car payment, child care.  As an example (but there have been other scenarios as well):  I have decided to sell my car to free up some money and the most common question I get is "Why?  You'll be able to drive eventually."  Yes, but that is not guaranteed, and I really don't want to pay for a car that's just sitting in my driveway doing nothing useful.  That money is better spent, for the moment, on living expenses or being put towards some FUN things to do as a family.  We could have a REAL summer holiday, or plan some activities that we otherwise wouldn't be able to do since really, money is often tight.  Recently at work, I won a prize draw for completing a survey (mgmt trying to get 100% participation, but I'm all for it!), people couldn't grasp why I was celebrating in my office.  I can't even remember the last movie I saw in the theatre.  If we wanted to go see a new movie at the theatre, it would cost more than our subscription to Netflix for....Ahhh, forget it.  I just hear myself bitching and I'm sick of myself already.

More smiles

Me:  Did we have a nice walk sweetie?

J:  Yes, I love walking with you Mommy.

Me:  I love walking with you too.

J:  And we were faster than a herd of turtles!

Flat

I was chatting with my friend a couple of weeks ago, and I told her about how I was feeling flat, emotionally.  That is still the case.  I tend to have high highs, low lows, and little in between.  I have been attributing it to the meds, but I'm not so sure that's actually the case.  I hope I am not hurting my family.  I'm happiest with my son, because I know that's what he needs from me, and crankiest with my husband, because I know that he is equipped to handle it (far better than my 3.5 year old anyway).  Is this what depression looks like?  I have a hard time with that word.  I never believed it would happen to me.  I thought I was strong, or something like that.  Not that depression makes you weak, that's not really what I'm trying to say.  I just thought that I would always be able to cope with what life handed me.  I don't know.  I just don't. 

Why he makes me smile

J: Mommy are you still sick?

Me: I'm starting to feel a bit better honey.

J: Can I see your medicine?

Me: (holds up pharmacy bag)

J: That's cool Mommy. Can you drive now?

Me: No, I still can't drive babe.

J: When can you drive?

Me: It will be a long time sweetie.

J: A long time?

Me: Yes, a long time.

J: Then who will drive me to Nanny's??

ROTFL

Me: I'm sure Nanny will come pick you up babe.

My heart nearly burst. I have decided to take comfort in the smallest pleasures. This was definitely one of them.

Don't have the words

I realize I have seriously neglected my blog.  The words don't seem to come as easily as they used to.  I find I need to think a lot harder and longer about what I want to write.  That never used to be the case.  The words used to flow so easily, I think I mentioned that in one of my previous blogs.  Since Jan.26/11, things have been markedly different.  I feel much much slower than I used to be.  I'm not a doctor or anything, but the best word I can come up with is ataxic.

Ataxia (from Greek α- [used as a negative prefix] + -τάξις [order], meaning "lack of order") is a neurological sign and symptom that consists of gross lack of coordination of muscle movements

In my words, since the brain controls everything in the body, something is going on in mine that has caused me to slow down.  The worst part is, is that I know it has happened and there is not much I can do about it.  My overall intelligence has not been affected (very thankful for that), but more the way in which I process or maybe I should say the speed at which I process information.  Word retrieval has become more difficult, accessing words has been a bit troublesome, for example, I could not remember the term "remote control" when I was asking Tristan to hand me the remote control for the television.  Now one instance of this is not a big deal, but I find that it's happening a heck of a lot more frequently than it used to.  It feels like for a few seconds my brain is completely empty.  The other big thing that I have noticed is that I can no longer lift up my 3 1/2 year old.  Now he's no lightweight, but before, I could lift him without too much difficulty.  Now, I can barely get his feet off the ground.  Again, a little thing, but definitely noteworthy for me. 

The last big change for me is that my driver's license has been suspended.  This is probably a good thing given all the examples above, but it doesn't make life easier, that is certain.  My commute to and from work is longer, therefore less sleep, and worst of all, less time with my baby.  That's what I resent the most.  I'm trying really hard to be positive, but it's not easy. 

Censorship, wtf?

Apparently, Dire Straits are a bunch of gay haters. 

I don't buy that for one second.  CBSC is taking it a bit far to censor an award winning song that was written 20 years ago.  Look out folks, we may have to go back into historical literature to take out ever "N" word that was written in every book at a time when slavery was still prevalent.  I am not saying that this is a good word to use, in fact, I believe the exact opposite.  However, music and literature are a reflection of the culture that was going on in the world at the time they were produced.  Why would we deny that these things happened, that these were the mainstream views?  We do a disservice to those who were affected and punished for having a different preference, or a different skin colour.  We essentially erase their suffering as if it didn't matter.  History is the only teacher that we as a people have and if we don't have an accurate picture, how can we remember not to repeat our mistakes or missteps?  My good friend Conrad pointed out to me that we may as well ban Weird Al, a Canadian icon of humorous music ie. Amish Paradise, I'm Fat, Eat It.  This takes us another step away from being a nation that embraces the right to freedom of speech/expression.  Ok fine, so it can be written, but not played on public radio or television.  I can't abide by someone making decisions for me.  I would rather hear the song, and decide for myself that this is something that I value, or not.