Dear blog

Dear Blog,

I am so sorry to have neglected you.  You see, things have been busy!  It's not that I don't love you, it's not that I don't care, It's just so hard to squeeze out the time to devote to writing to you! 

Let's see, where to begin...

Almost 26 weeks have gone by, more than half way to baby girl's birthday.  Should be sometime around the beginning of July (July 7th is the est. date).  We are very excited and J is looking forward to having a sister.  The first three months were riddled with fatigue, sickness, complete loss of appetite to the point I had to consume protein shakes to make sure I was getting some kind of nutrition.  The next three months were better in terms of fatigue and sickness but aching set in, at least I had more energy!  It was also exciting to tell all our family and friends and find out we are expecting a baby girl.  One of each, just about perfect (although, we would have been thrilled either way...it's a win-win situation!).  Heading into the last three months, starting to slow down again, swelling is starting in the feet, back aches more often than not, and right wrist is bothering me to no end.  This will end my complaint section of the program because it doesn't do any good anyway.  I am certainly looking forward to my next prenatal massage coming up in just a couple of days!  It's wonderful how they have developed a pillow system to allow for lying on your stomach!  Whoever invented that should be a rich rich person and never have to work again.  Oh yes, work.  When to stop working?  Sometime in June probably.  A replacement has already been hired which is wonderful news that we can overlap a little to allow for some training time, will be so much easier on my colleagues that way.  I will miss them over the course of the year, but I will be back soon enough!

Bugs 6th birthday is coming up at the end of May, need to figure out a celebration for him, I can't believe he will be starting Gr. 1 in September!  Crazy how time flies.    He's growing up and there's nothing I can do to stop it!  He is so tall, so smart, and such a sweet boy.  

August will bring a super fun event, my big sister's wedding!!  We will all head to St. Catharine's to attend her wedding at Niagara on the Lake, not sure how the traveling will go with a 1 month old and a 6 yr old, but we wouldn't miss it for the world. 

So, dear Blog, I'm sorry for not writing sooner, but as you can see life has been a little on the crazy side, but hope you are keeping well!  Until next time...

A big thanks to CHEO

One and a half years ago my son had surgery at CHEO to correct his lazy eye.  Since then he has been followed regularly by Dr. M. O'Connor, Opthalmologist for regular check ups to make sure things were going well.  Yesterday was our final appointment, Dr. O felt my son's eyes were stable, had healed extremely well and no longer needed follow up from Clinic 8. 

I want to take this opportunity to thank Dr. O'Connor and all the staff at CHEO who were so wonderful through appointment bookings, surgery day, through to his discharge.  Dr. O is fantastic with the kids, is playful and patient during his appointments and seems to genuinely get a kick out of seeing his patients.  He listens to what they say, lets them answer his questions, and gives good positive reinforcement throughout the appointment.  

I feel lucky to live in a city with such a fantastic and supportive hospital for children.  They are truly family centered and treat the kids with such respect which makes them feel important and part of their own care. 

http://www.cheo.on.ca/

Reverie

As children we dream the biggest dreams possible.  To be a princess in a castle and find her prince charming, a superhero who defeats villains and saves the world.  As youths we dream of being adults, leaving home, being rich and famous.  As young adults we dream of our future spouse, career, home, children.  As parents we no longer dream solely for ourselves, our pattern changes and we begin to dream for our children.  In my case, I only have one child.  I dreamed a different dream long ago, experienced some heart-wrenching moments, but I'm beginning to realize that it doesn't matter in the same way that it used to.  He has fulfilled every wish I ever had about my future family.  Now I dream for him, that he will find happiness, that he will find love, that he will succeed at whatever it is he chooses to do in life.  I know I will have influence over him, but more than anything I want his life to be a result of his choices.  I want to help him make the best choices possible.  He will occasionally fail but as long as we can avoid disaster and help him learn from his mistakes, he will be stronger for it.  More than anything, I want to help him to continue to dream.  To believe in possibilities, to have the confidence to try even if he risks failing because in each experience there is something to be learned. I want for him more than I ever wanted for myself.  I am grateful for what I have, for who I have, and for the life I have.  I hope I can help get him to the place that makes him feel the same.


I started to write the above many months ago.  I never felt like it was something I could share publicly.  I was pretty convinced that  no matter how much I wanted it, my family would never be more than the 3 of us.  This was my way of making peace with that.  I had been conflicted for so long, I finally was able to get past it and realize how lucky I really was.  Not everyone gets to have what I have in my life.  Life is funny in the way that it works.  The minute you make peace with your demons, it throws you a curve (in my case in a good way) and you say to yourself "Wait a minute, where the hell did that come from?  How did that happen?"  And then the cup overflows. 

Tis the season

To be thankful.

Gratitude should not only be expressed at Christmastime but this year has been extra emotional.  A mere two weeks before Christmas we were shocked by the shootings in Newtown, CT.  That night every parent went home to their kids and held them extra long and extra tight because we became shockingly aware of how precious life is.  Each day we send our kids to school assuming they are in a safe secure place until they arrive back at home.  Any shooting spree is a shock and leaves us rocked, but this was so much worse because the majority of the victims were children.  Defenseless, innocent, and undeserving of having their lives taken from them for reasons that we may never fully understand.  The fallen adults were heroes.  Many giving their lives to save the students that they could.  It's the ultimate sacrifice to give your life to save that of another.  I have nothing but respect for the adults who did so without hesitation to protect the children. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1T7JwwyAv8

I thought this tribute was extremely classy by artists on The Voice.  Well done.

These are my gratitudes:

I am grateful to have my baby safe and happy and warm. 
I am grateful for my wonderful husband who is a wonderful father and my best friend.
I am grateful for my parents and siblings.
I am grateful for my friends.
I am grateful for every day I am able to spend with them.  
I am grateful to have a home, a job and steady income.
I am grateful.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone.  May you all be lucky enough to spend them surrounded by love, as I have been.

The terror of night

Seriously.  Sometimes my dreams scare the beegeezus out of me.  Last night was particularly creepy.  Halloween dreams visiting a bit late, but man I woke up in a panic!  Visions of vampires, monsters, and things standing between me and my baby.  Fighting to get to him, to protect him from things he should not see.  It's a dream that crops up every now and then in different forms, I guess every mom and dad has similar dreams every now and then.  The minute I woke up I shot out of bed to make sure he was still in his.  Of course he was.  Sleeping like an angel.  What a relief.  Still felt like it took about 10 yrs off of my life though.  And I really don't have them to spare. 

What is it about our psyche that releases all of our anxiety in our dreams?  Why are mine so vivid and panic ridden?  Psychologists would have a field day with me, I'm sure.

Happy All Hallows Eve

The Witches’ Spell


Act IV, Scene 1 from Macbeth (1606) by William Shakespeare


A dark Cave. In the middle, a Caldron boiling. Thunder.

Enter the three Witches.

1 WITCH. Thrice the brinded cat hath mew’d.

2 WITCH. Thrice and once, the hedge-pig whin’d.

3 WITCH. Harpier cries:—’tis time! ’tis time!

1 WITCH. Round about the caldron go;

In the poison’d entrails throw.—

Toad, that under cold stone,

Days and nights has thirty-one;

Swelter’d venom sleeping got,

Boil thou first i’ the charmed pot!

ALL. Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn, and caldron bubble.

2 WITCH. Fillet of a fenny snake,

In the caldron boil and bake;

Eye of newt, and toe of frog,

Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,

Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting,

Lizard’s leg, and owlet’s wing,—

For a charm of powerful trouble,

Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

ALL. Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn, and caldron bubble.

3 WITCH. Scale of dragon; tooth of wolf;

Witches’ mummy; maw and gulf

Of the ravin’d salt-sea shark;

Root of hemlock digg’d i the dark;

Liver of blaspheming Jew;

Gall of goat, and slips of yew

Sliver’d in the moon’s eclipse;

Nose of Turk, and Tartar’s lips;

Finger of birth-strangled babe

Ditch-deliver’d by a drab,—

Make the gruel thick and slab:

Add thereto a tiger’s chaudron,

For the ingrediants of our caldron.

ALL. Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn, and caldron bubble.

2 WITCH. Cool it with a baboon’s blood,

Then the charm is firm and good.

Neglecting my blog

Does not mean that I neglect other aspects of my life!

Quite the opposite actually!

We are back into the full swing of Autumn, school has started my SK kid is right back into the routine of school.  It's different this year, he has HOMEWORK!  That dreaded word that makes parents and kids alike shiver with dread.  It's not that intense, but I can see it coming down the road.

The focus right now seems to be developing printing skills, working on letters, colours, lots more focus on French, on chante beaucoup en français, and to my surprise, safety!  Safety rules at school, fire safety, our family has now talked about a safety plan in terms of having a fire in the home, J does not quite understand about not stopping to put shoes on if there is a real emergency, but we're working on it!  He knows where all the smoke alarms are and also what the CO detector is for.

Work is work, it's busy busy and going to be more so over the next few months.  My boss is retiring, happily for her and sadly for the rest of us.  Her work will have to be absorbed partly by us and partly by other management.  It's not looking like they will replace her.  C'est la vie.

We are back into swimming lessons.  I have a front crawler!  His skills are coming along so well!  Seeing lots more of his head in the water which was always really challenging for him, but he's realizing now that he can swim much faster with his face in the water.  He's bringing his arms out of the water and starting to resemble more of a fish than a boy!  

Halloween is on the horizon and then shortly after it will be Christmas.  Where the heck does the time go?  Life is moving way too fast. 

"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." Mark Twain