Sunday, February 6, 2011

Don't have the words

I realize I have seriously neglected my blog.  The words don't seem to come as easily as they used to.  I find I need to think a lot harder and longer about what I want to write.  That never used to be the case.  The words used to flow so easily, I think I mentioned that in one of my previous blogs.  Since Jan.26/11, things have been markedly different.  I feel much much slower than I used to be.  I'm not a doctor or anything, but the best word I can come up with is ataxic.

Ataxia (from Greek α- [used as a negative prefix] + -τάξις [order], meaning "lack of order") is a neurological sign and symptom that consists of gross lack of coordination of muscle movements

In my words, since the brain controls everything in the body, something is going on in mine that has caused me to slow down.  The worst part is, is that I know it has happened and there is not much I can do about it.  My overall intelligence has not been affected (very thankful for that), but more the way in which I process or maybe I should say the speed at which I process information.  Word retrieval has become more difficult, accessing words has been a bit troublesome, for example, I could not remember the term "remote control" when I was asking Tristan to hand me the remote control for the television.  Now one instance of this is not a big deal, but I find that it's happening a heck of a lot more frequently than it used to.  It feels like for a few seconds my brain is completely empty.  The other big thing that I have noticed is that I can no longer lift up my 3 1/2 year old.  Now he's no lightweight, but before, I could lift him without too much difficulty.  Now, I can barely get his feet off the ground.  Again, a little thing, but definitely noteworthy for me. 

The last big change for me is that my driver's license has been suspended.  This is probably a good thing given all the examples above, but it doesn't make life easier, that is certain.  My commute to and from work is longer, therefore less sleep, and worst of all, less time with my baby.  That's what I resent the most.  I'm trying really hard to be positive, but it's not easy. 

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