Sunday, March 6, 2011
Flat
I was chatting with my friend a couple of weeks ago, and I told her about how I was feeling flat, emotionally. That is still the case. I tend to have high highs, low lows, and little in between. I have been attributing it to the meds, but I'm not so sure that's actually the case. I hope I am not hurting my family. I'm happiest with my son, because I know that's what he needs from me, and crankiest with my husband, because I know that he is equipped to handle it (far better than my 3.5 year old anyway). Is this what depression looks like? I have a hard time with that word. I never believed it would happen to me. I thought I was strong, or something like that. Not that depression makes you weak, that's not really what I'm trying to say. I just thought that I would always be able to cope with what life handed me. I don't know. I just don't.
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You have had some really bigs blows over the course of a really short period. It's also a depressing time of year. Even if you've never had the winter blues, combined with everything else - meds included - it wouldn't be a huge shock if you were even mildly depressed. There have been so many changes and shocks in your world and they aren't easy ones to adjust to. If you are depressed, it's a reflection on the enormity of what has happened in a very short time (and very possibly made worse by the medications and uncertainty), rather than being a sign of your ability to cope. Sometimes what life gives us just sucks. Making the best of it is the goal, but if it requires help that's okay too.
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