Sunday, August 14, 2011

Reflecting stress

It has been a busy week.  First one back from vacation always is.  The paperwork hit me hard while I was away, we most certainly fell behind, but I managed it and kept my head above the water...until Friday.  Friday I felt like I was drowning, like I couldn't accomplish the things I wanted to accomplish.  Trying to explain it to others is hard.  I can hold it together for most of the week, but I feel like towards the end, time is running out and I can't finish anything.  I spend my weekend trying to unwind, relax, enjoy my free time and family, but Monday is always looming there in the background.  Waiting.  Like a lion in the grass.  Just when you are starting to feel safe, it pounces and you're trapped by the work week, like paws and claws pressing on your chest.  Suffocating.  

Don't get me wrong, I love my job.  I am blessed to have one.  I am not considering a career change or anything, but this is what stress does to me.  It just gives me that feeling of foreboding, like a dark cloud interrupting the sunshine.  I recognize that I have a lot to be thankful for, but tonight I need to unload it.  Hopefully leave it here so that I can get it done, and do it well.

The work that I do, it comes with a price.  I can't tell you how many sad stories I have heard, my heart bleeds for each and every one, but at the end of the day, there are real people behind them who need for me to do what I do.  This is the first job that I have had where I really feel like I am able to make a difference.  I'm not minimizing my previous jobs, but this one is different.  I know that I am impacting lives, it's not always easy to tell people about wait lists and process, but I can encourage, suggest and support.  I have reminded countless people that they are not alone, that there is help out there, the wheels may turn slowly, but eventually they get there. 

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