Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Faith: lost or hiding?
I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic schools, underwent all of the usual sacraments: Baptism, Communion, Confirmation, that you have as a child. Somewhere around the age of 17-18 things became very unclear for me as to why I was Catholic. I completely "lost" my faith. There was an event that triggered this, it was huge and changed my life. I could not talk to God anymore. My heart was broken and I didn't know how to recover. My husband is also not religious in any way. He identifies himself as atheist. He has a very technical brain and the idea of a higher power is ludicrous to him. His beliefs are very science based, Big Bang Theory, Evolution and all that jazz which I also think makes a lot of sense. When we got married, we had a civil ceremony, no church wedding or sacrament of marriage for me. I am okay with that. What matters is that we are committed to each other so deeply that we've made it official/legal however you want to call it. Our son is not baptized (which I think bugs my parents) but I am comfortable to let him make his own choices when he is older. If he decides to explore religion, I will support him and answer any questions he might have, or help him to find the answers if I don't know. For all I know he may decide to be Jewish and I'm not that savvy when it comes to the Torah. I guess what I'm saying is that I believe religion is very personal and a person should have the right to choose. In terms of my own personal choice, I would have to say that at the moment, I'm not sure. There are some things I can't reconcile, like the church protecting priests who abuse children. The fact that there are religions far older than Catholicism for example Hinduism. Perhaps they were meant to be metaphorical rather than historical. I have been wondering if I should perhaps go to church. Or speak to a priest. Or just say screw it, it's my life and I can choose to believe whatever aspects of Catholicism that I want to believe in. Or none at all. No matter what however, I know that I am a good person and lead an honest, productive life, and do work that makes a difference. If God smites me for that, or denies me entrance at the pearly gates, well, so be it.