Friday, June 11, 2010

It's all about choices

My son goes to daycare.  I never regretted making that decision.  I have a wonderful job that I love, and he, being the first child, gets to go out and socialize and make friends and learn how to be with other kids.  He has learned how to follow the lead of older kids, play beside the kids his own age, and how to be gentle with babies.  He would not have learned any of those things being home alone with me or dad.  I do not feel that I am missing his life, nor do I feel that he is being raised by his caregiver.  He is getting different things from different places and people.  My husband and I love him to death and spend good quality time with him in the evenings and on the weekends.  He knows we are his parents and that bond can never be broken if you nurture and respect it. 

I am NOT knocking the stay-at-home parent.  Let me make that clear.  I was raised by one, and certainly also see the value in that as well.  However, when we have our first child we are all confronted with the decision, do I go back to work?  Or do I stay home or does my partner say home with the children?  I always knew I would go back to work from the time I started my mat leave.  I spent 10 years working towards the job I have now even if it wasn't clear in the beginning where I was headed, I always knew that I wanted to do more. 

People said "You won't want to come back!  You'll see!"  I did want to go back.  It does not make me a bad person.  In fact, I went back early.  My husband wanted to take 3 months parental leave, and I was happy to let him to be able to spend a good amount of time with our son as a baby.  You don't get that time back, and it goes by so quickly.  Why shouldn't dad get to be home too?  It was also guilt free for me.  I knew he was safe at home with dad. What could be better? 

What is my point?  Well, I guess it's simply that we need to decide what is right for us.  We are all different and we all make different choices.  There is no one right answer.  If that were the case, life would be very easy and similarly, very boring.



  1. I totally relate to how you feel about work. I have nothing but respect for the awesome moms I know who stay home with their kids. I thinks it's great that they can and want to. I didn't. Quite honestly I don't think I'm cut out fir staying at home. And I think it's good that I can recognize it. Better to do what I'm good at than try to fit a square peg in a round hole so to speak. I love the challenges and mental stimulation I get from work. I also live my son and I think I spend a lot better quality time with him since the time we have is so limited.

  2. One of the very first things my husband and I decided before we had children was that I would stay at home. At least for the first couple of years. It was something that I felt I had to do, not only for my daughter, but for me. It's the hardest job I've ever had! It's taught me so much about myself and what I am and am not capable of. I would never want to be a premant stay-at-home-mom, however! I can't wait to get back to work! I have so much more confidence in myself that I know I could achieve whatever career goal I wanted.