Autumn

Summer has ended and we are heading into autumn which is my favourite time of year.  I love the colours on the trees, the red, yellow, orange mixed in with the green.  It's breathtaking.   I find myself really looking forward to Thanksgiving and then Hallowe'en.  It will be nice to have dinner with my whole family, I always look forward to turkey day, mmmMmmm!  Pierogis would be an added bonus, but even without, I really like having family dinners.  It's rare for us to all be together under one roof, happens maybe two or three times a year.  I certainly have much to be thankful for.  A gorgeous, healthy, happy son; an amazing husband; and an extensive support system including parents, siblings, and friends.  I am very blessed. 

We already have my 3 yr old's Hallowe'en costume planned (thanks to Nanny), he's really looking forward to Trick o' Treating.  He asked if we could make candy apples, and I'm not exactly sure how it's done, but I'm sure I can come up with something.  I just hope I don't burn myself, I'm kind of accident prone that way.  I know I'll need popsicle sticks and loads of sugar.  We might not sleep for a few nights afterward, but it will have been worth it!  For my family, Hallowe'en is as big a holiday as Christmas.  My mom goes all out with decorations and has a selection of offerings for Trick o' Treaters, candy, chips, play-doh for the little ones, everyone is covered.  My favourite part will be when my son rings their doorbell and grampa will pretend he doesn't recognize him.  He did that when we were kids, and I'm sure the tradition will continue.  

First love

The first statement I need to make here is a disclaimer.  This post in no way means any offense to my DH.  I love him with my whole heart.

Do you remember your first love?  I do.  Now I'm not talking the guys you thought were cute, I'm talking about the guy you fell face first in love with.  The one who tied you up in giant knots of angst and made your knees shake if he even so much as looked in your direction, never mind actually speak to you! 

Okay, to set the scene a little:  Thirteen years old, grade eight, first day of school, I arrived in my homeroom already ecstatic because a couple of really nice girls were in my class.  We sat together and probably chatted, that memory is a little fuzzy, but then he walked in.  Big blue eyes, baseball hat, and a smile that could light up the night sky.   

Holy shit I knew I was in trouble.  I think I heard my heart go "splat" as it slammed into my chest.  Very outgoing girls would have just walked up to him and said "hi", but I was also very painfully shy and self conscious.  I, of course, told all my girlfriends how much I liked him, but would have never had the courage to tell him.  So what happened?  What happened with almost every guy I met in school; we became friends.  In fact, he dated several of my friends and I really couldn't blame them, I would have given anything to have been in their shoes though.  The heartbreak however, was exceedingly painful.  My tender teenage heart was bruised each time.  I'm not proud of this, but I actually called him to let him know that my friend didn't want to date him anymore, or, more accurately, to dump him for her.  I really didn't want to do it, but I succumbed to the pressure she put on me.  And then, after that, she wasn't my friend anymore.  I remember just feeling so used, but I don't think he held it against me because we were still friends, and that was important to me.  I was happy that we were friends; we talked on the phone, shared a few interests, attended all the same parties, I think we even danced together once or twice, and he truly was a very nice guy.  I had feelings for this boy for the better part of 4 years.

I won't say that I'm glad he never asked me out, because that just wouldn't be true.  I am glad however that I don't have any bitter memories of him.  Maybe if we had dated and broken up that wouldn't be the case.

Interestingly enough, years later when we met again, it dawned on me how similar he is in personality to my husband.  They are, of course, different people, but there are a few giant parallels that are very hard to miss.  I guess I was on the right track, just a case of wrong guy, wrong time.  I sure am glad I found the right guy though.  Makes all the years of teenage crushes and emotional roller coaster rides worth it.

Reminiscing

I'm feeling a little nostalgic this evening.  I found myself today thinking a lot about the St. Patrick's High School Drama Club 1994-1997.  What a unique experience that was.  I didn't have a lot of extra curricular activities in high school, but this was really a big one.  We rehearsed 4 days a week after school.  You had to audition if you wanted a part in the play, I figured that if I didn't get a part, I would just work backstage.  You could use the hours as volunteer work that was required in OAC.  The first play I auditioned for was Anne of Green Gables, I was so nervous, sweaty, shaky hands, it felt like I had a huge lump in my throat.  I was reading the part of Diana Barry, Anne's best friend.  I practiced and practiced at home the few days before.  I actually auditioned with the girl who ended up winning the part of Diana.  Before we started she wished me luck and told me I would do fine, and not to worry.  She was super nice and I think it was just what I needed to be able to swallow the lump in my throat.  I got through it without making any huge mistakes.  When it was over, I remember feeling so relieved, with not a clue as to if it went well or not.  The director just thanked us for reading and went on to the next pair.  The results were being posted at the end of the next day.  I remember being so anxious, anticipating the end of the school day to be able to go and check the bulletin board.  When I got there, there was a bit of a crowd and I needed to wait a bit, but when I finally got to the list, I was surprised to see my name was there!  I had gotten a part, it was a small part, but I didn't care.  I had a total of about 15 lines in the play, I played Mrs. Allan, Rev. Allan's wife.  I was ecstatic to say the least.  That was the first of four plays that I acted in.  We also did Les Miserables, Dracula, and A Murderer Among Us.  I had a lead role in Dracula, I played Van Helsing thanks to the severe shortage of male actors, and quite a unique one in AMAU.  I don't think I'll ever live down "Fireflies!".  I did a whole scene by myself in that play.  It was quite a challenge, but I loved every minute.  And drama club wasn't just about the acting and the plays, it was also about the friendships that were formed.  We spent so much time together, we played a lot of cards, and helped get each other through homework, we enjoyed each others company and for those few years they were almost like my second family.    My friend and I had a tradition of starting the first rehearsal of the year by christening the stage with; "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish."  At the end of the year, we always had a party; Karters Korners, then swimming at the director's house.  He would make a gift for every actor, it was a plaque with one of our props from the play on it.  I still have all of mine.  And tons of pictures, way more than can be found on FB.  These are memories I will cherish always.  During DC hours, I never felt like an outcast or like the most unpopular girl in our class the way I did during the rest of the school day.  I belonged.  I can't thank the cast and crew enough for that.  And the directors.  Paul, Patty, and Bruna.  And as they say in show business; "The show must go on"; and "CUT!"

I was twigged

So I came across a discussion today on FB about what makes a good blog.  (It has actually gotten me over some writers block I've had for the last couple of weeks.)  Is it content?  Is it design?  How many readers follow that blog?  This got me to thinking ... What's in a blog?  And in particular, what's in my blog?  I never really intended for it to really go beyond me just logging my thoughts, my feelings, impressions of different situations.  I don't really write it with other people in mind.  I blog for myself.  Writing helps me to process the events of my life and lets me reflect on the different things that happen day to day.  My ability to verbalize what's in my brain is far inferior to my ability to express them in writing.  I've never been much of a talker, but when I write, I seem to express so much more of what I think and feel.  The path from my brain to my fingers seems to work far better than the path to my mouth, although I'm sure my parents would disagree...but I digress.  We'll save that for another blog. ;) 


I'm actually kind of surprised that other people are interested in reading my blog.  I only have 4 official followers (go BK girls!), but who knows really how many people have come across my blog and taken the time to read?  I am always very surprised and also pleased when someone says to me, "You know, I read your blog and blah blah blah..."  It's a way to incite conversation and allows you to get to the heart of the matter without having to give a lot of background information.  Let's have a yay for efficiency as well, although that's not really the point, but it is certainly relevant.  I think it allows us to have more meaningful discussions because everyone is already on the same page and ready to just discuss what they want to discuss.  And let's face it, in this day and age, we are all busy, many of us are absorbed in family life and want to spend as much time with our children as possible.  Our opportunities to socialize are far fewer so why not blog about our day to day stuff and then spend our social time talking about what really matters?  Or clarifying issues that we didn't quite understand, or debating the points we didn't agree on, or giving sympathy when someone chooses to blog about a sadness that they are experiencing?  I myself received so much support when I was blogging about the stress in my life when transitioning my son to a new daycare that I began to think, "Wow, there is really something to this." 


When I started this blog, I was doing it for myself, but now I realize that it's not only just for me.  It's for my peeps too.  I want to keep the people who are close to me inside my loop.  I have this tendency to draw back especially when I'm upset or stressed out, this has become the way I keep the door open and allow others in. 

Down time is good

After a hairy week last week, it's good to have some down time.  I can actually hear myself think.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute of every different activity, but it didn't give me a lot of time to process/digest all of what I did. I think it's because I am an introvert.  Many years ago, in a different work life, we did personality testing of a couple of different kinds.  The first was the Myers-Brigs Type Indicator (MBTI).  My coding came out INFP.  Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving.  I won't go into the specifics of what that all means (google could take care of that for you), but the result, in my opinion was bang on the money.  As an introvert I get my energy by being alone and taking time to reflect on what's happened recently in my life.  I make decisions based on how I feel, and need to see things as a whole, not in it's pieces.  Another test that we did was called True Colours.  I am as BLUE as can be with a secondary colour of GREEN.  Essentially, this test confirmed the results of the MBTI.  I think with my heart, not with my head, I'm sensitive, as well as sensitive to others, I understand body language/non-verbal communication pretty well.  It doesn't mean I can't make decisions based on statistics or factual information, just that it's my preference not to.  Back then, I made my boyfriend (who is now my husband) do a version of the same test online and it gave me a lot of insight into him.  We had two areas the same, and two different.  I've never looked into the meaning behind it, but it seems to work well.  Probably because our style of communication is similar and our need to see the big picture.  I also understand why he sometimes drives me crazy.  He is solution oriented, while I like to understand the reasons why.  I would like to do it again someday just to see if anything changes.  I seriously doubt it, but it would be interesting to try it again. 

I am BLUE, what's your colour?? :)