Thanks, my friend

I got the most wonderful compliment from a wonderful friend today.  I just wanted to say thanks.  You know who you are, I am so glad you are in my circle. 

A national loss

You don't have to be partisan to mourn the loss of a good person.  Not everyone agreed with the NDP's political philosophy, but I think that we can all agree that Mr. Jack Layton had the countries best interests at heart.  I always felt that he cared about the people of Canada first and foremost and was an advocate for the working class, seniors, disabled, and children.  He worked for equality amongst Canadians no matter their religion, class, gender, sexual orientation, political view.  He has been present in our government for so many years, it is hard to picture it without him.  He has taken the NDP farther than anyone would have ever expected.  It wasn't really that long ago the NDP was not considered an official party due to lack of seats in the House of Commons. This last election proved that there is a significant shift towards the left happening in this country.  Whether that is good, bad or indifferent is not really for me to say.  I am only making observations.  Time will tell if it is truly because this country badly needs to change, or because Mr. Layton was a charismatic leader who could talk the talk.  In any case, we will see how things play out in the months and years to come.

In closing, I would like to just leave you with these thoughts.  Cancer is a terrible disease, I don't know anyone who has not felt it's crushing grip.  More and more people are surviving, many are still fighting, and unfortunately, too many still succumb to it's evil existence.  Please try to contribute in some way to the search for a cure. 
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Change-up

Okay baseball fans, don't get too excited, I am not referring to the pitch that is thrown in to confuzzle the unwitting batter.  I am simply referring to a change of pace, a change of routine.  Today we threw in a trip to the local bowling alley.  It was our first time bringing our son, and probably our first time going since before we were even married!  That makes > 9 years.  And we had so much fun.  It amazes me how freaking smart my son is.  He walked down the steps into the rock 'n bowl area found our lane #30, picked up a bowling ball and pitched it down the lane!  And I really mean pitched.  He thought he should throw it like a baseball, except he couldn't quite manage the wind-up.  Kind of pushed it out from his shoulder.  You could hear the bang throughout the entire alley, and the music was cranked!  After a quick orientation to the between the legs throw, he was bowling like a champ.  He did a lot better than I expected.  He scored a 65 on his first game and a 69 (ahem) on the second.  Sometimes I score numbers like that, so it ain't half bad!  (my scores, FYI were 103 and 136!  i have never broken 100 before!)  He picked up really quickly that he got three tries and then it was my turn.  He even caught on, with no explanation, how to check the monitor to figure out how many points he scored and how many throws he had left and whose turn it was to play.  Word of advice:  don't order the hot dog from the snack counter.  Took 25 mins to make a stupid tube steak.  Could have butchered the animal and stuffed my own weiner in that amount of time.  Next time, we eat before we go and just get a slushie to enjoy while we play.  

Top the whole day off with some retail therapy, a nice change to our master bedroom, outfitted with new bedding, a little bit sexier, if you ask me, along with some sleek laptop tables (yes there is a slight element of geekiness to our room, it can't be helped, we encourage each other).  We also purchased some clothing in anticipation of our little guy starting school in a couple of weeks, he grows like a weed.  A very well fed weed. 

To end the day after all of that excitement, we cooked two fantastic meals one for today and one for tomorrow.  Tonight I will be dreaming of crock pot spaghetti sauce.  Heightens the anticipation for tomorrow's dinner.  Added bonus being that we won't have to cook again until at least Wednesday, maybe Thursday.  That's the bomb in my book.   

Reflecting stress

It has been a busy week.  First one back from vacation always is.  The paperwork hit me hard while I was away, we most certainly fell behind, but I managed it and kept my head above the water...until Friday.  Friday I felt like I was drowning, like I couldn't accomplish the things I wanted to accomplish.  Trying to explain it to others is hard.  I can hold it together for most of the week, but I feel like towards the end, time is running out and I can't finish anything.  I spend my weekend trying to unwind, relax, enjoy my free time and family, but Monday is always looming there in the background.  Waiting.  Like a lion in the grass.  Just when you are starting to feel safe, it pounces and you're trapped by the work week, like paws and claws pressing on your chest.  Suffocating.  

Don't get me wrong, I love my job.  I am blessed to have one.  I am not considering a career change or anything, but this is what stress does to me.  It just gives me that feeling of foreboding, like a dark cloud interrupting the sunshine.  I recognize that I have a lot to be thankful for, but tonight I need to unload it.  Hopefully leave it here so that I can get it done, and do it well.

The work that I do, it comes with a price.  I can't tell you how many sad stories I have heard, my heart bleeds for each and every one, but at the end of the day, there are real people behind them who need for me to do what I do.  This is the first job that I have had where I really feel like I am able to make a difference.  I'm not minimizing my previous jobs, but this one is different.  I know that I am impacting lives, it's not always easy to tell people about wait lists and process, but I can encourage, suggest and support.  I have reminded countless people that they are not alone, that there is help out there, the wheels may turn slowly, but eventually they get there. 

Comfort food

Apples and peanut butter.  Y-U-M.  Takes me straight back to my childhood, this was a snack that my mom made for us regularly.  It's quick and not too complicated which I think is important when you're trying to feed four hungry kids.  Slice up an apple and put a blob of PB on it and pop the whole thing in your mouth.  I prefer a sweet apple like a pink lady or royal gala, but it works with tart apples as well.  I think I have my son hooked on it now too.  Yesterday was the first time he would actually try it, usually he just eats the apple slices, but yesterday he asked to try it, and he liked it so much he asked for more!  He even hummed while he chewed which also reminds me of my childhood since 2 of my sibs used to do this and we thought it was so cute.  My guy is not an adventurous eater so I was thrilled that he initiated trying something a little bit new for him.  I knew he liked apples, and he definitely loves peanut butter (on sandwiches), but he's usually hesitant to mix foods together, he generally prefers to eat things on their own.  I'm hoping this is a new trend that he will continue.  Even if it's one new thing a week, I'll be ecstatic! 

Perfect day

I'm not a complicated person.  In fact, I prefer for my life to be simple.  Yesterday, is what I would consider to be a perfect day.  I spent the whole day with my favourite boy in the world.  We got up at our usual time, ate our usual breakfast together at a ridiculously early time given that we are on holidays.  Apparently 4 year olds don't quite grasp the concept of "sleeping in".  I long to sleep past sunrise someday, but until then, I will enjoy the early AM's with my buggy.  We got daddy up, he is an impossibly deep sleeper, he just struggles to get to sleep.  Something to do with a mild computer addiction.  Nothing life threatening, and most days works to my advantage. 

We scored a drop-off at the library where we played a bit with their toys, read a couple of stories, and found a good book for me to read, always a bonus.  Holiday reading material, nothing to heavy, just a good enjoyable read to keep me entertained over the next few days.  We meandered over to the park nearby where my guy made eyes (yep, those beautiful blues)  at a young teenage girl who was quite happy to play for a while with him.  In fact, she was great with him, she chased him around the structure, pushed him on the swings, and spun him on the tire.  I think he was slightly scared, but she was quick to notice and slow him down.  When it was time for her to go, we decided to grab some lunch, I was hoping the caf at the Walter Baker would be open, but when it wasn't, we settled for snacks from the machine.  We feasted on Sun chips and cookies (Which I made a profit on, yay for disfunctional snack machines!  I put in my $2.00 for the $1.50 cookies, and the machine returned all of my $2.00 in quarters!  Yes, the little things excite me.), and then we went to the pool for free swim.  My guy loves to swim.  We had races in the pool, played with the ball, and practiced floating, blowing bubbles, and all that fun stuff.  We had the ball stolen (well not stolen, we put it aside and someone grabbed it, no malice intended) from us and he just said "It's ok Mommy, there are more balls in the bucket".  An elderly Chinese man stole his pool noodle (this was weird cause it was right beside us, I think he was a little senile) to make himself a "floatie", he had his own rope to tie 3 noodles together then he put them over his head and wriggled until it was around his waist like his own noodle ring.  And my guy just said "It's ok Mommy, I don't need it, I can touch the bottom and just hop."  When we were done in the pool we headed home on the bus, the walk from the bus stop to the house is longer than the actual ride, but he loves to go on the bus.  We ran into his caregiver, chatted for a moment and then ended the afternoon with a rousing THREE HOUR NAP!  

Busy days make a sleepy boy.  When daddy got home we ate burgers for dinner, and J chose leftover spaghetti & meatballs.  We had brownies for dessert and then the boys played video games and I read my book and fell asleep before they came upstairs.  I have no idea what time they came to bed at, and don't think I will ask.  It's probably best I don't know and it was my own fault anyway because I fell asleep. :)

This is what I call, a perfect day. 

Parenting, just my take

I've tried to stay away from this topic.  I don't want to give unsolicited advice, but it seems like one of the hottest topics to blog about.  I am in no way an expert, just wanting to share my experiences and thoughts on the matter.

People seem to really struggle with child rearing, and they should!  It is the hardest job we will ever have as young/midlife adults!  We all (well not all, I mean there are some people who have children that I would not refer to as parents, but that's a whole other topic altogether) want the same thing for our children, to be healthy, happy and well adjusted. 

My whole perspective on parenting is that firstly, you need to have patience.  Example:  When the two year old is in the middle of a meltdown, make attempts to re-direct them, if that fails, ensure they are safe ie. not banging their head on hard surfaces, or kicking hard objects; and then wait it out.  The conversation comes after.  Simple, clear, using words you know they understand.  When the communication has broken down do that point, there is nothing to do but wait.  

Secondly, consistency.  Your child should know what to expect from you.  Every misbehaviour is an opportunity to remind them of the rules, ask them to repeat them, make sure they are looking at you, and prompt an apology.  Children are impulsive and WILL break the rules, that is a fact.  They will test them too.  Over time, it sinks in, even if at first they don't seem to "get it".  The key is to use language you are sure they understand.  Short sentences, too much information and they will not be able to remember what you have said.  Each time you discipline should look very much like the last.  Whether you pick time out, rewarding appropriate/ignoring inappropriate, it doesn't really matter.  What matters is that it's consistent.  I will say this.  Please don't hit your children, I truly believe in my heart it is not necessary.  There are other, more effective ways.  Every good behaviour is an opportunity to reinforce, tell them "good job!  good listening!  good manners!" to tell them how proud you are of them, to give them hugs and kisses that they so desperately need. 

The other thing that I don't see reinforced enough is that you have to develop relationships with your kids.  Play with them.  Talk to them.  Read to them.  Let them tell you stories, listen to what they are saying even if they stutter with excitement and can hardly get the words out coherently.  Involve them in everyday activities.  Help mommy and daddy cook, help with chores, carry the empty laundry basket, put your folded socks away.  The chores take a little longer but help them learn the routines of the house, and spend TIME with their parents.  I know that people are busy and want to get things done, but there is always time for bonding and we should use every opportunity. 

If you want to read parenting book after parenting book, fine, but many of the principles are the same.  Even if your child has physical or developmental delays, the same strategies can be used, it just may take a little longer or need a little tweaking.  Only the parent can figure out what works best with their child.  Some respond well to rewards, some respond better to what I call "losing privileges".  My son knows that if he does not listen well, he could lose his tv time, or bike time, or game time.  He is motivated by having access to those things.  Some days he loses none, other days he loses all of them, but we always start the day with a clean slate.  I don't take away our cuddle times before nap and bed.  These are essential to both him and me.  Special time is non-negotiable in my house.  When we wake up we hug, kiss, and say good morning, no matter what.  At bedtime we have a story, song, I love you's and say we'll race to the morning.   

There is also professional help out there.  Behaviour consultants can teach parents the specific strategies for behaviour modification and give in-home support to model the strategies.  There are some behaviours (ie. self-injury, extreme agression, eating inedible objects (Pica)) that parents may not be equipped to deal with.  If you need help, it's important to ask.  Start with the doctor, when it comes to young children they need to be aware of any developmental issue, and move forward from there.