A new year

May 2011 be a year where we rediscover who we are and what our priorities are.  My priority is first and foremost my family.  To ensure we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, and spend good quality time together.  This is what matters most in the world to me.  I don't need to own a huge home, fancy car, or a house in the Hampton's, it's more important that we are happy.  We are both lucky to have jobs that bring us satisfaction, pay the bills, and allow us to have the pleasures that we enjoy.  We are not consumed by our work and our time off is spent together and this allows us plenty of time to spend with our son, watching him grow and learn.  We value him more than any of our possessions.  It is nice to have things, but at the end of the day, it's family that matters the most.  My baby is everything.  Without him, there is nothing, and I am nothing.  I can't wait to watch him grow, turn 4, start school in the fall, I'm not wishing his life away, only anticipating the big changes the next year will bring for him.  For me personally, I would like to get my license back, take another course, plan a trip for the summer, and play the rest by ear, see where the road takes me (if anywhere since I'm not exactly sure when I'll be able to drive again!).    Wishing you all the best for 2011.  Happy New Year! 

Truth #5

Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

This one comes to mind immediately.  A very good friend from H.S. who was in the drama club with me.  It was actually because of her that I auditioned.  The way she talked about it, it sounded like so much fun.  We were good friends for 4 years.  After we graduated, we went to different schools, kept in touch for a while, but have had no contact in probably at least 12-13 years.  I have lots of pictures and lots of good memories.  Have no clue where her life has taken her, or what she is up to now.  In an earlier post I talked about the friendships that were/are important to me.  This person became my friend at a time in my life where I think I was the most lost I have ever been.  Some of my friends had just dumped me (looking back now it all seems so silly), but I was really devastated.  I felt accepted, at least a little bit, I don't know if I was ever all the way inside that friendship circle, but at least she helped me find my way out of the hurt.  I said before that D.C. was one of the most precious experiences for me, I learned so much, met so many good people that I would never have gotten to know otherwise, and it really did feel like family. 

I do regret that we drifted apart.  I valued the time we spent together, the conversations that we had, and I'm grateful for the difference that she made.  If we ever meet again, I fully intend to tell her. 

My Christmas Wish

My Christmas wish for everyone is that they get to spend this wonderful holiday with people that they love and have the joy of watching little ones light up when they see what Santa has left under their tree.  I truly believe that Christmas is for children.  I don't care if there are any gifts for me anymore, the joy on my little guy's face is all I need to see to make it all worthwhile.  His anticipation this year is through the roof!  He's even a bit worried because we don't have a chimney or fireplace, but I've explained that Santa is magical, he can find his way into any house, because not all houses have a chimney.  He is excited that we're almost at the end of his advent calendar, he has religiously sat down to open the next little door each and every morning,  It's one of the first things he asks me when he wakes up in the morning, "Mommy, can I do my calendar?"  It's the best.  He really gets it this year.  Last night he watched Frosty the Snowman, I remember watching that as a kid and I'm glad they are still showing it!  It's an oldie but a goodie.  This year, he even went willingly to sit with Santa and tell him what he wants for Christmas.  He was nervous, but the fear of Santa not coming outweighed his actual fear of Santa!  So he sat down beside him and told him what he wanted and we got some good pictures.  They really captured the moment.  I don't even care that he wasn't smiling, it was what it was. 

It is also the time of year to remember those who are less fortunate.  Please make a donation to your favourite charity, or donate some time to a worthwhile cause. 

Truth #4

Something you love about yourself.

I love my sense of humour. I love to laugh, I love it when people make me laugh. I don't miss much in the way of jokes, sarcasm, wit and am quickly able to zing one right back. I really am latching onto this part of my personality since I'm having such a rocky time. If I can just see the humour in the situation, I'll be able to get through the next few months.

I also love how I married someone with a very similar sort of sense of humour.  My husband always gets my jokes, and I always get his jokes.  We laugh a lot together, that's really important to be able to sustain a relationship through the years.  It's certain that there will be hard times.   As long as we can laugh together and keep our outlooks positive, we can overcome any nasty situation life throws at us.  The curve balls are what make the game interesting, you don't expect them, but if you can dig deep and make contact, you're sure to hit one out of the park.  (There, that's my sports analogy, I love baseball :) )

Well, I got lemons

Totally sucks lemons.  Can't drive for 6 months or until I'm medically cleared to drive again.  I can't really remember what happened, but apparently I had a seizure yesterday morning.  Scared the crap out of my husband.  I remember coming to and thinking, "who the F is in my bedroom?".  It was a paramedic.  (he scored 8/10 on the hotness meter)  Damn!  I failed most of the questions he asked me except my name and where I was, other than that I didn't know the day, the date, the month, what we ate for dinner the night before, the fact that we had decorated our Christmas Tree, I couldn't remember putting my son to bed, you know, stuff I should have been able to remember.  Very frightening. I'm so grateful it happened at home and my hubby knew exactly what to do.  I bit my tongue very hard, it's very swollen and hurts :(  My right side has also been affected.  It feels weak and sore, not sure if from the seizure or from attempts to roll me over since I was on my stomach. 

I have a great support system.  A wonderful family, amazing friends, an awesome caregiver for my son, more than anyone could ask for.  The next 6 months are going to be rough, but things can always be worse so I'm trying very hard to keep a positive outlook.  At least I live in a city and have other options.  I also have a hubby who loves to drive, I now refer to him as my personal chauffeur.   Driving Miss Amanda!

Truth #3

Something you hate about yourself.

I hate that I have very little self confidence.  Sure, it looks great on the outside, but what many people don't know is that I'm a pretty good actress.  I can compartmentalize my life and feelings so that certain people only see certain things.  The truth is, I have a very hard time valuing myself.  I'm not particularly attractive, smart enough but not brilliant, I suspect strongly I have social anxiety, I am very shy and often feel overshadowed by others who are beautiful, bouncy, and brilliant (even though I am well aware that this is not their intention).  No matter how many objections I hear, I really struggle with the inner dialogue that goes on inside my head.  Sort of goes like "Remember the time you said this, that was really stupid."  "Remember all those times in school when you were the butt of the joke, that was true."

Please don't feel sorry for me.  I am really not fishing for compliments.  This is just the truth.  I am embarrassed enough however that I am not publishing it to FB.     

Truth # 2

Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.  (I'm starting with two for now, but if anyone wants me to make them a playlist, I'm happy to oblige!)

For Tristan:

Wonderwall - Oasis:  First dance, Valentine's Day formal

I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You - Savage Garden:  Wedding Dance

Firework - Katy Perry:  Because we both love her music!  We have a hard time agreeing on music :)

For Shannon:

I'm a Bitch - Alanis Morissette:  We have a running joke, originally came from a movie we saw together, but this song fits too.  Dumb bitch ;P

Beauty and the Beast Celine Dion/Peabo Bryson:  Anything by Celine Dion really, they are her favourite.  I happen to love this one too.

What is Love - Haddaway:  Do the disco head.