Monday, December 6, 2010

Truth #3

Something you hate about yourself.

I hate that I have very little self confidence.  Sure, it looks great on the outside, but what many people don't know is that I'm a pretty good actress.  I can compartmentalize my life and feelings so that certain people only see certain things.  The truth is, I have a very hard time valuing myself.  I'm not particularly attractive, smart enough but not brilliant, I suspect strongly I have social anxiety, I am very shy and often feel overshadowed by others who are beautiful, bouncy, and brilliant (even though I am well aware that this is not their intention).  No matter how many objections I hear, I really struggle with the inner dialogue that goes on inside my head.  Sort of goes like "Remember the time you said this, that was really stupid."  "Remember all those times in school when you were the butt of the joke, that was true."

Please don't feel sorry for me.  I am really not fishing for compliments.  This is just the truth.  I am embarrassed enough however that I am not publishing it to FB.     

1 comment:

  1. I'm pretty sure that those bubbly bouncy people say the same things inside their heads too, or at least they should.
    And as for the type of person you are, you didn't publish this on FB, but I am reading it anyway. You know why? Because I think you are an incredibly smart, witty and interesting person with great opinions, and an unparalleled sense of humour. I go out of my way to check your blog because I really admire your astute observations and the compassionate way that you see the world.